I finally got my laptop back!

Note to self: NEVER try to do anything at Apple Pioneer Place, that doesn’t involve giving them money, around the holiday.

I’ve never had a problem there before & people have seemed really helpful, until Christmas 2017 and Jeremy.

  1. I got badgered into signing a release for them to ship it off to a service center, to have a battery changed, after I’d just watched it pass all diagnostic tests but battery.
  2. The next day I realised I’d be out of town Friday. We live at the end of a blind drive, that’s long and windy and goes uphill. The kidz had had a situation where the UPS guy didn’t want to deal with their new fridge, and it spent five days on the truck, marked as “out for delivery” on the tracking all five of those days. I decided to call & back out of the shipping agreement.
  3. I spoke with Heidi, who did her corporate bid to dissuade me. Finally I said, Look. I don’t want it shipped. I’ll need to come pick it up by Thursday at the latest. If you can do it before then, fine. If not I’ll reschedule. 
  4. I thought we were done, but no! Jeremy called the next day, interrupting my workout, sounding peeved and trying to pressure me back to my original position. First I said, I went over all of this with Heidi last night, and then finally, in frustration, I don’t want to waste your time. What I meant was MY time.

FFS Apple, it’s a fucking battery goddamnit! I’ve bought five Macs for myself over the years, about seven iPods and I’m on my third iPhone. Honor your fucking AppleCare contracts without torturing your consumer.

That was the first time I’ve ever experienced badness there. I guess it’s the holidays, but still… We poor consumers don’t get to decide when the equipment and insurance we bought needs to be used.


Hermetic Reading & Practices & planning ahead for 2018

I’ve been catching up on reading, sans laptop

Been buying all kinds of esoteric stuff on Amazon too, because I’m not free to get the one thing I’ve really been wanting, an iMac, which might well have helped me with proofreading, thus keeping my single, probably gone now client happy. I’m like C- level at proofing, especially since I can’t print multiple drafts of everything I work on. You see misalignments right away on the printed art boards. If you’ve got 5 desktop layouts & you’re working on a 15″ laptop you spend all of your working time zoomed waaaaay the fuck in.

Focusing on the magic

Just attempting all the work in the book below will take another year or so, if I put 10-20 hours consistent effort in every week.

I was just about to finish the first half of the 2nd exercise of step one. It’s such a hard one I delayed nearly a year before starting. Then Thursday happened. It was a Holiday Buzzkill for sure… But I finished my Qabalah book and started reading Initiation again.

Lots of stuff got delayed because I have been sans laptop

I’ll only have a little time before the weekend to work on the “black” portion of the soul mirror. I’ll need to get back to all the other things that got postponed for lack of computer, the south waterfront painting and learning how to build my first puppet in Adobe Character Animator. Then there’s the cat show, which I’m sure will be exhausting, and NYE. Suddenly what would’ve been accomplished before the end of the year will instead finish closer to mid January.

So fuck it! I’ve gone ahead and ordered the next Bardon at $57 from Amazon. Used to be $48, I think, but that seller is out. On eBay the cheapest is $114.

I should be able to finish step 1 of Initiation in January and work on step 2 in February and so on. I should be able to shatter a glass jar with my mind by step 5, lol.

If I look st the Stoic side of this I can say that obviously I’m not meant to be a designer who earns money via her computer, not any more. But I’ve got a ton of art supplies.

Fuck sending out resumes that get ignored due to my age and location! I’ll do magic and work on art.

Oh I also got myself this new planner. Decided to try a new type.

Nice, cheery hardcover.

My vision board, lol. Why not I guess?

I started writing. Hey I’m camped in bed this holiday. May as well make the best of it.

It’s undated so you can start whenever you want, but I’m going for good, old fashioned New Year’s Day. All of my currently delayed projects can be targeted for January.

Tomorrow should be safe for driving (as long as it’s not me at the wheel) so we can go pick up my laptop and maybe either meet our poet friend for lunch. I’m going to work out earlier than usual and already prepped the coffee maker & brought it upstairs. I guess you could say I can’t wait to get out of the house for a little bit. Not only am I inside; I’m mostly upstairs, with one or two cats.Theodora is the one who stays by my side. What a little treasure she is.

Other things that can’t happen without a computer

Was ready to start categorizing character flaws according to elements & then prevalence, (aka the black half of my “soul mirror).

Funny but I began by looking up the negative traits of the water signs. Since I’m a triple Pisces it makes sense a lot of my flaws seem watery:

  1. melancholy
  2. inability to handle corporate structures (I need to be the one forming the systems & processes so I only do well in small companies or small, “start-up” departments)
  3. escapism & addictive behaviors

I sure saw the emotional hysteria of Cancer last night…

I was going to move on to earth today, since that’s the next most prominent element of my astrological chart. I’d have probably finished the project next week & could then move on to the white mirror, my positive traits.

Oh well.

So… my South Waterfront piece will have to wait. I could start something new but I don’t have the space to set up a still life & leave it in place for the duration and it’s too cold to work outside.

Stand in my messy bathroom & draw what’s on the counter? I guess… maybe. I could bring leaves inside & do studies maybe. But not today.

Apple insisted on shipping my laptop to a service center to change the freaking battery

And now I’ll probably be without a laptop until the end of next week.

My SF work seems to have dried up (and they still haven’t paid for November). I was going to work on a composition today. Had gotten a 300lb sheet of hot press for it. Guess what? All the reference is on my laptop.

Then I got into a big fight with Charlie about the fact that I want to use my own money to finally buy an iMac. My arguments for why I should are “stupid” by the way, and I’m an asshole.

Name calling is so effective for handling disagreements…

I also use my laptop for exercise….

Didn’t want to bother getting out of bed today. It took three visits from the kitten.

Thursday musings, cat stuff and the gig economy

Ended up taking a rest day yesterday, so I could cook something (that was perhaps a little too healthy) for jam night. It was a turkey & veggies, sweet potato pot pie. Yes, yes… I cook with the meat. I’ve given in to the dark side. It’s just easier.

I suppose you can’t be truly vegan if you own cats, the obligate carnivores. I went along as an ovo lacto vegetarian just fine for years in NYC though, even if it doesn’t really “count”. But I’m not in New York anymore and I’m not buying my own groceries.

The gig economy

Well now, it looks like it’s still on.

Got a call to come clean my friend’s office today. I’ve joked to Charlie that I didn’t know I was moving to Portland to vacuum. I think of the really nice Argentinian lady who was working the floor of my Manhattan office at the time I left. We’d always have a chat. People on those levels of work always liked me, because I was polite and personable. I didn’t treat them as “less”. And now I have joined those ranks! LOL. Good for manual labor.

Wine and driving

Started drinking the wine around 4:30pm, while cooking. I retired upstairs around 8, pretty tipsy. I’ve gotta man-up and drive over a bridge again. Terrifying! I’d be motivated to drive more if I thought I’d have a real reason (regular commute). As I said to my friend whose shop I’m going to clean today…

I deal with life on a need-to-know basis.

To finally get my license I’ll have to practice driving on a highway, even just an easy one. I haven’t been willing to do that. In the blitz of applications I sent out between mid August and October, only a single thing really stuck. That was SF and I’m not sure about even that now.

I set the alarm for 6, but of course there was no way I was going to get out of bed and exercise before hand. And if I eat and don’t do it later, I’ll have three rest days this week. I could pretend I’m ill, or traveling, lol. My upper quads are still a bit sore! It’s freaky.

Think I finished a piece yesterday, or it’s as done as it should be. Since they just get removed from the board and packed away, it’s not like I have to stress on the level of “finish”. My work has gotten increasingly wild too. Now I can’t believe I EVER did anything with just one medium. I use watercolor pencils, watercolors and regular colored pencils, moving back and forth in between, with a little gouache thrown in as well.

Keeping secrets from ourselves

Didn’t intend to take a rest day, but I baked a cake in the afternoon & then it got late… I almost never start a WO after 4pm. It’s past my current biorhythmic window for that now!

I really need to get back to my daily, seated meditation… I’m glad I’m staying in tonight, resting up before what will be (for me) marathon socializing. It should be fun though, lunch downtown with a friend and then the holiday dinner with… the family. I am a part of a family! Holy shit! lol. #gratitude

And I got around to listening to this. The first couple minutes are a bit awkward, but then I continued. I was doing other things during some of it, but when I realized I’d missed the train I’d rewind. Lots of tidbits in here and I think it’s a great idea, for JM to post these kinds of conversations if he likes the community but doesn’t want to make teaching / instructional kinds of videos anymore.

The suspension of disbelief if only for the length of a ritual

This was a method JM used when he was more into ritual practice, and I have been dabbling in a more elaborate, Golden Dawn-ish invoking of Jupiter & Sachiel ritual. There were parts of the conversation here that made me realized I hadn’t really wanted to invoke anything I could sense, because of fear. I have some small experience with that. I just need to remember I’m appealing to positive forces and I’m already closer to being a true artist than ever before, even when in art school. And I need to not care if the words and gestures / seals are silly.

I saw this at the right time. The sun moved into Sagittarius today & I need to practice before the day I picked, the Thursday on a waxing moon which doesn’t happen to be Thanksgiving Day!

The art is not coming from the artist; it’s coming from the… I don’t know, the astral plane. #channeling – yes, I know this state of being.

That’s a huge relief!

**Full Body by Jen A & a good opening rant

Nasty-gram from Batshit this morning. First one I responded, tone diplomatic but terse. Second I deleted. I might have to block her again, over the holidays. She gets extra mean.

In other news my subpar computer equipment is driving ME batshit. I think I’m just going to charge up about $4,200 for a 27″ iMac and a Wacom Pro, which would help me work faster, even if no one is paying for it, as of yet. I know the world thinks I’m a bad investment, a female designer of 50, never mind the fact that I worked steadily and supported myself with ZERO family subsidization, with only a BFA, for 2+ decades in New York City. And I kept my job through the worst parts of the 2008 / 2009 bankster recession when I was freelance and the highest paid member on my team. If that doesn’t demonstrate a lack of effectiveness I don’t know what doesn’t. #sarcasm

Fine. I’ll do it myself, like I always have.

This is definitely a WO I’ll repeat when I even have just one more piece of equipment, or two… 25lb dumbbells. Never mind the sandbag or a plyo platform. Each of those two things are around $200.



Full Body by Jen A

6Min EMOM 10 box jumps/ incline push-ups to finish the minute I have a lower elevation than the pregnant J is using here, 13″ to her 16″, though w/ the height difference it’s about the same. I cannot improve on my jumping ability b/c I cannot afford an adjustable plyo platform.

60 box jumps will get you warmed up! I did all my fast & jumping which doesn’t get you a rest in an EMOM.

No rest tabata pair: 20:10 8x
1. Pullover to close grip chest press/ skullcrusher 15s
2. tricep push up+ plank tuck jump/plank hold

Leg Hiit and core pyramid 50:10/40:10/30:10 Paused & got my 8lb vest for 2nd two rounds
1. Backload squat/alt reverse lunge 20s
2. Handstand shoulder tap/ spider knee
3. Backload squat/ at forward lunge 20s
4. FAST Inchworm out +push-up plank hop + 180 tuck
5. Dead lift s/s/double 20s
6. Plank tuck alt kick thru
7. Weighted hip thrust 20s Tried this w/ back on rack & it still doesn’t work w/ using dumbbells, oh well. or wall sit maybe
8. Decline push up clean and press 20s

6 minute amrap Was trying to figure out how to use the fewest amounts of weights & not tax shoulders too much for the first two moves. Decided to add 2lb wrist weights & use mostly 10s. Lost some time switching weights on the MMs & was definitely dropping pace (whereas I’d kept up, up til now in this WO)
2 R Push up t stand and press 10s (12lbs ea arm)
2 L Push up t stand and press
2 Manmaker 15s (17lbs ea arm)
2 tricep makers (tricep push-up + kickback, tricep push-up+ kickback + hop in and double arm tricep kickback) 10s (12lbs ea arm)
2 bicep makers (rev grip push-up + bicurl on both sides +hop up double arm bicep curl) 10s (12lbs ea arm)

No rest tabata 20:10 8x 4 minutes Kept forgetting what I was doing here & forgetting the halo part. Should’ve really put my gloves on b/c weight was SO SWEATY in my hands. Dangerous.
Halo slams/ SA oh press 20
Round the world/ SA oh press

Kb finisher 50:10
1. Swings 35lbs
2. Staggered Push-ups + SA RA bent row & snatch 20
3. Slams 20
4. Wide push ups + double plank tuck jumps
5. Staggered push-ups + SA LA bent row & snatch
6. Tricep push-up to tri ext 10s
7. Tri push + alt t-Stand leg lift
8. LL curtsy SA swings 15
9. Alt SL decline Pike push ups walk out shoulder tap
10. RL curtsy SA swings
11. Decline push ups + alt toe touches
12. Suitcase DL right 20s
13. RA oh rev RL Lunge 15
14. Suitcase DL left
15. LA oh rev LL Lunge

Time = 1:13, including all breaks

Musings • Remote “work?” and the gig economy

Jobs in the gig economy

Sometimes you’re not even sure if you have one! In the old days you’d interview for a job & get a schedule, whether or not you were full or part time. You’d spend at least part of your first day reviewing & filling out paperwork. You’d be trained. These days? Corporations only hire 20-somethings if they’re not poaching seasoned assets from competitors, while drawing heavily upon a contract army that pays for it’s own supplies, does its training on its own time.

I thought it was strange that Company P would assign me to task that had nothing to do with anything in my portfolio, and on the 2nd day was told outright it was a test. Will I get any money at all during October? You bill at the end of the month and then wait. Posted in FB that I was surprised to be working on website flow design. Do you have a job? Who knows? If you can’t tell if he’s your boyfriend he probably isn’t. 

I completed a 2nd task in record time, but the billing is going to be sparse. In the old days you’d have that job with its schedule, and you’d be paid for your time allotted. There is a certain amount of down time in any job-job. Hell, when I made the most money in NYC, I could most often spend 40-60% of my time goofing around online & still outperform!

With Company P, I enter time that I am available on Google calendar, but it’s not like I get to count on billing even half those hours (never mind getting paid for any of them, at some point next month). When I arrive at my “open” window I’ve indicated, I’ll check to see if I’ve got a task assigned on one app. If I do, then I got to another and hit start on a stopwatch basically. Then I go back & read the notes and get to work, jotting detailed notes in a laptop sticky along the way. When I finish a draft of whatever it is, I upload with any comments, go back & stop the stopwatch & then enter my copied list of steps in the notes.

But if I start at noon and finish a draft around 2pm, I’m not going to be billing for any time until I get a response. Yet I’m beholden by my calendar to be available for a specific amount of time. Say I’m planning on exercising after & I’ve entered on the calendar I’m free until 5pm. It might be 4pm and it’d be much better for me to get started earlier, but I have to wait just in case I might get to bill for something I’m not at all sure I’ll ever get paid for.

Which is probably why they don’t indicate any desired amount of hours or optimal times!

It’s like a game

After I completed Friday’s task in just over 2 hours there was no indication I’d be getting a new one Monday, so when C and I made plans the day before I just deleted it. I’d scheduled myself available at noon today. Was working on a sketch and cleaned up the whole area to log in to see if there was anything waiting. Nope! I had a feeling I’d be working out in the afternoon, lol. It’s fine it just screws with my schedule.

I think I’m going to assume that 1) if they haven’t disappeared already that 2) I shouldn’t alter my own schedule at all, even if I’ve got time in the calendar unless 3) I get a text as well. I’ve only got availability posted as late as this Friday, so…