Friday morning musings

On aging and injuries

I was planning to do the last WO in Julia’s contest series yesterday, but when I got out of bed (a Casper mattress still on the floor, because Podunk), both knees were sore. And I’d done a nice, easy one the day before! Not only that, but my left elbow was especially pissy, even aching when not exercising, and hitting the problem area. I know what that one thing was from. There was a move in Wednesday’s WO of holding arms OH w/ a band above wrists & pulling down. I liked the novelty of the move, and the pulling action, so I ignored the complaints.

I took a rest day, thinking I’d get to my last, “contest entry” routine today. But…, while the knees feel slightly (right) to much (left) better, the elbow is still annoyed. And this WO is upper body heavy. She starts off w/ a circuit that is snatches, shoulder presses and triceps. I’d want to use my 26lb kettlebell (with forearm guards!) for the first move, even though I can’t snatch it up OH directly. I have to clean & press-up. It’s something to work on. So I think I’ll reschedule again. I’m pretty sure they allow a week from posting to completion date for the contest. That means I could do it Sat or Sun. And let’s face it, a person my age w/out a lot of social media followers isn’t likely to win. It’s more for the point of personal follow-through.

Everything happens for a reason

She mainly just sits in the driveway, gathering leaves. I’ve been meaning to at least go put gas in her since Tuesday, lol. Busy with other things. Just had to ask Charlie what kind of gas she gets, again. Despite the timing, I can’t say I’m that sorry I bought her. She’s an inexpensive and unassuming car, and at 51½, actually owning an automobile tickles me. Saturday I’ll go get some gas! (Writes in agenda.) I need to incrementally woman-up to the idea of the bridge. That again. It’s a better route though. I always had a feeling I wouldn’t be required to go from the NW to the NE Industrial. My color judgments were just as good as the airquotes senior and ass kissing hater. I did pre-press color adjustments, back in the day, for the super high-end carpets I designed. We used better quality paper than in any coffee table, art book I’ve ever encountered. It was easy for me, with my oil painting, color mixing experience. I communicated in those terms. The Two made everything excruciatingly slow, self-doubting and meandering, but to be fair that was general company policy. #driving

Things I don’t want to do tend not to happen anyway. If I hadn’t launched on the India cycle, late 2005, I’d be a senior designer making 130/140K. That’s who I was hired to be! It would’ve come with overseas production trips, two to three times a year though. They were pretty brutal, and at the time, missing even two extra days of Astanga practice would’ve been earth-shakingly tragic. (The biannual trend shopping trips that evolved into being maybe five or six years down the line would’ve been easier to cope with, over brutally over scheduled, marathon factory visits.) When I started, my division was a newly acquired, formerly private, but smaller company. They’d finally moved into their new home base, about eight months after acquisition, two days before I started. I brought my own laptop for a few days, and those 17″ weren’t all that portable.

Unlike my last gig, Moret Group wasn’t cheap about maintaining decent work stations. IT had to order a brand new Mac for me, and were behind getting everyone else set up in their new stations. All the designers had their own USB scanners, which is as it should be. We had small group access to ink jet printers, for color, and also a color laser, for volume. We got to order lumbar cushions and wrist braces / exercisers if we needed. Also tablets! (I never used them in NYC, but the design style for most of what I was doing there, quite lucratively, was a much different animal from what I’m doing now. The Wacom bumps your digital design into fine art territory. They merge.)

Vs: The Office, Portlandia Edition That’s quite a different thing from being handed an 8½ year old, groaning old Mac and having to bring your own Wacom tablet, because your mouse isn’t fully functional. It skipped. Airquotes senior tried using it once and picked it up, to look at the underside, puzzled. “You should be able to find a mouse around here, somewhere…” she said later on, trailing off. Um, ya, thanks.

Anyway I quit that gig, the first time, in January 2006 for my “First Trip to Mysore”, also my first blog. I still have the print out of my posts, somewhere. Not the comments I don’t think. (In those days I was widely read, and popular posts sometimes turned into lengthy chats in the comment section). If I’d stayed in New York, I probably would’ve never left The Hovel, my rent stabilized studio on East 4th Street and First Ave. Not even if the 10-year Astanga yoga fixation hadn’t happened, and I’d stayed on the management track. Nor would I have ever driven a car again!


I’m really happy to be out of that toxic swamp

They are all welcome to it! Too bad Cascade didn’t get printed though. That’d have been a hit, I am sure of it. That place was a thorough lesson in inept management. As I like to say, the old, 1-star Glassdoor reviews were still spot-on.

The universe was like, “Here! Have a friend instead.” Finally made a new one, and of course she’s an east coaster. I never had any problems whatsoever connecting with new people of wildly diverse backgrounds doing my 2-month India stints. Podunk is different. It’s small, provincial and hostile to outsiders. It’s professionally “mean”, in the petty sense of the word, and inclined for an outrageously smug mediocrity. We’re meeting up tonight, going to a thing downtown! Sketching will happen.


XX The Aeon
“Judgment” in other decks

Occupies the path between Hod and Malkuth. Hod is the seat of Human Intelligence as well as harnessed willpower whilst Malkuth represents the physical world. The Aeon Card connecting them implies the blending of energies between the two sephira so we have: The evolution of human consciousness and understanding (Hod) about the nature of our physical reality (Malkuth). Our consciousness becomes more universal as we see the Oneness behind creation. Older perspectives are burned away by spiritual fire.

1. A decision which has a major impact on your life. Examples would include lifestyle, career or relationship changes. In the upright position these changes would be positive.

2. Also life changing experiences which may be spiritual or a near death experience. These have a major impact on our life which forces a change in perspective and the birth of a new self.

3. Time to move on from a situation after seeing the bigger picture of things so we have endings and new beginnings.

4. Taking time out to review your life timeline and seeing what changes have happened over time and how you have grown. Reviewing the bigger picture.

5. A natural period of growth where you are experiencing a deepening in your understanding of yourself and the world around you. A time of deep change, reflection and evolution of your spiritual awareness. You may also be letting go of friends, and structures which are no longer serving you.

Ya that sounds about right!!! I’m coming to a new understanding about things which do not happen being unworthy of my time and attention in the first place. And now, it’s time to get back to my current “seamless repeat” design.

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Books, writing, memoirs and musing

Here’s a rare, conversational post on my exercise blog, one that’s not just a workout breakdown with stats & comments. I’ve moved most of the personal stuff to my private blog, because it’s detailed, voluminous, completely frank and darkly comic. I’ve realised I’m writing a book, my memoirs of the vast cultural differences between NYC and PDX, and about my experiences since swapping one existence for another. I’ve been inspired along the way by two other memoirs steeped in biting commentary: Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Start-Up Bubble and Live Work Work Work Die.

Now that I have the ability to leave, I’m quite content to hang around on The Hill all weekend

I got out of the house early today. I needed to get a package to UPS, off to my mom for her birthday. I was ready early and allow myself one visit to my favorite bakery a week, so this morning I decided to bring my laptop and hang out there for awhile. Just that simple pleasure was profound, actually. Just like when I stopped at Zupan’s and then Starbucks, after my last plein air attempt. I still haven’t looked at the initial sketch! I’m afraid I’ll be disappointed, like the last time. Granted I was in a much more public place & I’d gotten there a bit too late, for the light situation. I was also distracted by people determined to engage me in conversation, the first a homeless woman who wanted to talk to me about some physical, sexual harassment she’d suffered under one of the bridges, and an indifferent cop. She was then distracted by the fact that I dared to be grey. (!!!)

If more people had the balls to defy oppressive societal norms, perhaps they’d fade, ya think?

Even for a homeless woman in dire circumstances, another woman openly grey is a traffic stopping marvel. There’s always some area where people still feel free to be openly asshole-y. In today’s world, the places I’ve chosen to live anyway, no one in educated circles would ever dream of mocking someone’s sexuality, but grey hair on a woman? Fair game.

Granted the current president has regressed societal norms to an alarming degree, especially if we’re talking about internet vs real life exchanges.

I saw a comeback red hat that made me smile. It said, “MAKE RACISTS AFRAID AGAIN”.

I’d intended to (try to) face up to the bridge thing this weekend

That’s the point I was trying to get to. The plan was to ride with Charlie across the Broadway Bridge to the I-5, at least, so I could see the intersections & whatnot, and then to try to get myself to do it solo on early Sunday morning, when the traffic is super light. I wasn’t going to tell my friend Tom I was doing it either, in case I decided I’d rather turn right around & go home & not try to amuse myself until lunch time. I still get so nervous driving each new place. It’s incredibly irritating! But at least I’m giving myself and accomplishing the regular baby task of driving one new place a week. Last week I took myself out for lunch one day #imtheonlygayeskimoinmytribe. The week before that I stopped at Mud Bay on the way home to pick up some more Rad Cat for the princess, Lady Theodora. This is small stuff I know, but my New Yorker friends all get it. They’re the only ones who do! Almost everyone else pretty much drives from their teens to incapacitation.

Anyway I don’t feel like doing the bridge thing this weekend, and given the events yesterday I’m not all that convinced I’ll need to drive to Overlook any time soon. The last time I’d done any prepress was print stuff – “deliverables” they call it now – for the carpet company. We never went on press though. We were in New York and the printer was in Tennessee. The products were all promotional paper materials, and colors didn’t shift much at all in production. (Or if they did then quality control took care of it!) They’d send us proofs. We almost always got satisfactory color adjustments in three rounds at most, for just some of the images. (Granted, carpets are probably a lot easier to light and photograph than other subjects, like glass.)

There’s been drama at home too and I need to take care of myself and relax. Saturdays I like to read, work out late afternoon rather than early evening and generally chill. It’s a nice, cool day out today too, and the forest fire smoke & hotter temperatures are predicted back on Monday. That’s even more incentive to just enjoy the day and not introduce any personal stress into it!

Meditation and witchy stuff

I’m hanging out in the magic circle with Henry right now. One of the things I did was plan a prayer / ritual / spell for tomorrow. I already knew Jupiter is trining Neptune, which is supposed to be good for Pisceans in particular. Wanted to look up the most convenient hour ruled by Jupiter and plan a thing. My mother sent me the King James version of Psalm 91! I’d never heard of it & was going to just delete the email, but then I noticed she mentioned it is “for protection” and I remembered the pagan qualities of older Christianity. Why not get all Golden Dawn about it?

First of all I need to do a seated meditation. Even once in awhile would be better than never! The the LBRP. Those are always the prelims, which take about a half hour. Whatever follows is the specifics, which are always geared to the purpose. A protection spell is just the ticket! I think I’ll use the “dead things” ingredients: wasps for the sting of course, with their queen, the vanquished matriarch. The bird skeleton for the freedom of flight. I even have some human teeth! Courtesy of dating an oral surgeon. They do not apply for this spell though. The animal, non-ego / thinking spirit is what I want involved here.

Perhaps I’ll just read the psalm, burn some incense and make an offering. Perhaps I’ll draw the symbol of Abbetira, but no serious attempt at invocation. Whatever I do it’ll be an hour max, so a proper “thing” but not a huge deal that lasts half the day.

Maybe I’ll get my haircut in the morning instead of the bridge thing.

It’d still be driving practice and a new place and thus nudging my comfort zone boundaries a bit. Also it might make me feel better! I’ve been desperately needing one for awhile but I was afraid to lose my baby ponytail in August.